Last Night's Episode: Highlights

Here are some of my favorite moments from last night's episode of KID NATION:

1. The Native Americans. Seriously, who hired those dudes? How did Greg laugh while Zach nominated himself for the gold star but somehow manage to keep a straight face among encountering these friendly Native Americans?

2. Every second of Sophia being the sheriff. At first, I was skeptical, because I love Sophia but I could totally see her GOING MAD WITH POWER! But she did a good job. I know Nathan didn't think so, but Nathan also has a lisp and wears a bomber jacket and likes doing laundry too much to be trusted.

3. Alex's phone call to his adorable interracial parents. "OHMIGOSH, MOM!"

4. Jared and Alex.

5. Jared and Alex finding those, like, dinosaur bones...who put those there? Are they the same people who hired the "Native Americans?" Bonanza City is so disappointingly manufactured, you guys. I so wish it were real.

6. TAYLOR petitioning herself to the gold star. There were many funny things about this. 1) The person she was petitioning TO has no actual say over who gets the gold star. 2) Sophia clearly is never going to put in a good word for TAYLOR. 3) After stating her argument, she said "I hope Greg gets stuck on the mountain and eaten by coyotes." We all do, Taylor. We all do.

7. I know that we already gave the Migle award to Pharoah, and he deserves it after the hay bale thing. However, Migle was like, a totally different person in this episode. Alex, my favorite kid, even nominated her for the gold star! Apparently, she "dramatically improved" throughout the course of the show, going from Nicole of "Paris and Nicole" to a girl with a "really good sense of humor" who "cheers people up." Honestly. HER NAME IS MIGLE

8. KIDS, LEARN A LESSON. NOMINATING YOURSELF FOR THE GOLD STAR NEVER WORKS. It didn't work for Divad, and now it didn't work for Jared or Zach. And you guys, JARED could have used that money to build a teleportation device (DK, I thought you were smarter).

9. Mike made some really good "overly-emphatic Dad facial expressions" in this episode. He is such a dad.

Zach better win the gold star next week. If they gave it to Laurel, they need to give it to Zach. He may be ultra-sensitive and a little bit crazy, but he is TEN YEARS OLD. He still has three more years till he becomes rich with Bar Mitzvah money!! And no one can deny that he worked really hard on and off the council. FUCK Greg for laughing in his face when he nominated himself. Greg, you are a tool and should be voted out of the city, and banished to a cave to spend the rest of your days alone with Olivia and away from our televisions. I'm sure after a few years cooped up in there Olivia would finally agree to take his virginity, although she'd probably just be rolling her eyes the whole time. Can we get a few Olivia eye-rolling screencaps?